Maria Victoria R. de Leon Mother’s Story of “Emptiness to Fullness”

Every person goes through life’s challenges.  Every mother experiences turmoils that sometimes are perceived to be immeasurable.  For today’s blog, I would like to welcome to you all a Mother’s Story of “Emptiness to Fullness”.  Maria Victoria R. de Leon’s story is not perfect, but it is beautiful.  It is the kind of journey she believes is worth sharing, and so do I.  Let’s walk through her journey. ~Teriz

 

Waking up before the crack of dawn. Cooking breakfast and lunch. Seeing my kids off to school. Cleaning the  house. Washing the dishes and clothes. This was my routine for 24 years as a full-time mom to my four children. They were my life, my purpose, and my big WHY. They were even my identity. I was happy serving them. 

The Midlife Crisis

Until the midlife crisis hit me, I began to question my identity, role, and purpose. Thus, on my 50th birthday, I  decided to celebrate it without fanfare, glitz, and what have you. I checked in a quiet place somewhere in Tagaytay, hoping to find answers to these nagging questions. The minute my husband and children left, I felt afraid of the  deafening silence around me. I looked around, and they were gone quickly. That is when my fear grew more . The  biggest question on my mind then was: Is this my future? Is this all there is in my life? What lies ahead of me? But  the most challenging question was: Who will I be when all my children leave? Who am I? What is my purpose  now? Those questions remained unanswered until I fell asleep.  That was the emptiness I felt.

The Doubtful Moments

Exceedingly early the next day, I found myself asking the same questions. I begged the Lord to answer me. He was  silent. And so, I did. I gazed at the window of my room, appreciating the beauty and serenity of the morning calm.  Until I decided to listen to the songs saved on my mobile phone while setting my sight far away. The songs went on  and on until a line from the song Cool Change came. Yes, my life is now so prearranged, I know it is time for a  cool change. It jolted me suddenly. “What, Lord? You mean it is time to make changes in my life? That it is time  for me to let go of what I am used to? Is that it, Lord? That it is letting go time for me? Of my children? My precious children! Of my routine? No, it can’t be! It can never be! I cried and cried until I can’t cry anymore. I  think I cried for an hour. Then, silence and peace overcame me. I surrendered. I accepted it, that yes, it is time for a  cool change. But I hoped it was not too soon.  

Facing Unwanted Realities

But I was wrong. Come 2012, my eldest child got married; the following year,2013, my second and only son  followed suit. I thought I could still bear it until my third child left for college in 2014. My world crumbled. I got depressed for weeks. The silence of the house and the empty spaces were too much for me. Yes, they left one after  the other. Our youngest was the only one left. Our nest is almost empty. The pain can be likened to the death of a loved one.  These were my unwanted realities that I needed to face.

Again, I cried to the Lord; I cannot take it! Every time I look at her empty room, I will cry. Every night, I waited for the buzzing sound of the electric fan to come, but nothing came. Every 3 p.m., I anticipated her coming home.  But no one came. It was one of the darkest periods of my life. Until the Lord spoke to me again through the very  popular song at that time, Letting Go! It kept on playing in my head. Letting go! Yes, I have to let go of my baby!  The pain is still there, but God did not leave me. In my sadness, He sent the right message through our talk, Haunted  House, particularly Talk 2 –the Hats we wear as parents. I am no longer a commander but just a coach on the  sideline. Our preacher was right; God designed us to connect to Him in a way that is most fitting to us. To help me  cope, I focused on my old business, a laundry shop and my ministry, the kid’s ministry of our church. I spent my  energy on these preoccupations. It never crossed my mind that this ministry would become the greatest blessing I  will ever receive. It dawned on me that this ministry is just a preparation for bigger things for me. It shaped my  character. It tested my patience because the Lord knows I will need it.  

From Emptiness to Fullness

Yes, the emptiness was undefinable. But God did not leave me empty. He saw me through it. He never allowed me  to sink deeply into depression. He knew my heart’s desires and He performed a miracle. Fast forward 2015, I  received my most significant breakthrough. Unexpectedly, the fund for my dream business, a tutorial center, came.  It was a miracle that I would like to talk maybe some other time. Then one day, as I was alone and quiet, I heard  His voice again, saying, I will fill you with children! What Lord? Fill me with children? How? And He did. So, from 12 students, my enrollees grew leaps and bounds in my first two weeks alone of operation, keeping me busier  than ever. From a mere 15 square foot room, I have now expanded my center.Again, my expansion is another  miracle story deserving to be told.  

“Surround your self with children. They bring real joy.”~Teriz

So, to all mothers like me, who have undergone or are going through seething pain because of emptiness or loss of  loved ones, or in the letting go season of your life, take heart. God is not done with you yet. You can rise from that  pain, from that desolation, from bitterness if we hold on to Him. Embrace the changes, the cool changes in our lives. Now, I know my real identity- more than a mother, I am a child of God. Like me, He will also change your  EMPTINESS TO FULLNESS! 

 

To all those who have read this, I and Maria are hoping that this gives you motivation.  That this inspires you to not give up with whatever difficulties or doubts you may have about your life or about yourself.  Here at Journey4us, we believe that by sharing our stories, we are able to inspire others to do better in their lives.  Here we acknowledge the idea that our lives are not meant to be traveled alone.  That this journey is for us all to share, cherish and enjoy!~Teriz

 

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Important Note: All images used were given voluntarily by Maria Victoria R. de Leon for publishing purposes.