“What is life?”. At 35, this is one of the questions I love to talk about with people that matter to me. I can still vividly recall how I used to equate life before when I was younger. I used to believe that life is about, doing your best to find means on how to survive and better your situation.
That life is about having things you need and want and providing those as well to your family. That life is a race and you need to stay on top. That it is having something that brings you happiness and convenience in life. Somehow true, and somehow not. Facing a lot of different challenges along the way, I now realized clearly how a person can experience stages of life, and as I go back to all those stages I faced, I can only be grateful that through all those I am who and what I am TODAY!
I normally express how I love how my life has been going on. I feel privileged that I am able to see more meaning about life. Meanings that not many of us was able to unfold, and that many chose to take for granted. Facing the question “ What is life?”, right now, I can only think of one word, DISCOVERY. It’s funny how I used to believe that someone or something needs to tell me what to do in certain situations I face. It’s funny how I used to ask people or books before to answer questions I have in my mind. That I always wait for someone or something to give me answers or solutions to all my queries.
It makes me smile mirthfully now thinking about those moments. The magic of discovery happens everyday. You just need to look at things carefully.
Regardless of age, we face beautiful discoveries, but not all of us use those for a greater cause. Three years back and I am certain about that, I did question my self “what do I really want to do”?. Ofcourse, other than being a GREAT mom, I was searching for myself. There were so many insights that popped up in my head, but there’s just this one thing that has never stopped lingering in my brain cells. I tried to question myself repetitively, what is this thing that makes me happy? What is this thing that makes me feel good about myself? What is this thing that will make my journey meaningful? Well, let me tell you on the next paragraph.
You guys might know that I am a registered nurse back in the Philippines, but I landed in teaching. I will tell you a revelation why I didn’t or didn’t want to push through being a nurse. The only person that knows this is my love Chris, but not anymore. When I was a student nurse, I was assigned to the pediatric ward in a government hospital. There was this little boy I think he was 6 years old who was suffering from malnutrition that led to some severe complications. He had been fighting for his life and apparently the family was helpless and it seems that there was nothing much that the doctors could do. The family was too incapable to provide his medical needs to prolong his life. I was like 18 or 19 that time, and in my nursing uniform, I was praying and hoping for his survival. I couldn’t be so proud if he feels better under my care. Our clinical instructors told us that nurses do magic in someone’s life.
That through our care and empathetic skills, we can be a part of someone’s health recovery.
All doctor’s orders about that little boy’s medical condition were given, were strictly followed, and were done with love and care. I was confident that one day, I will arrive in the hospital and see him in a better situation. However, that little boy, with eyes longing for love and help, passed away. Being student nurses together with my classmates that time, we were ofcourse warned or were given some advice about death and everything that goes with it.
After that incident, I chose not to be affected. I chose to ignore the emotion it gave me, and I lived up to everyone’s expectations to keep on going. It has been a part of my life from that day on.
It took me a decade to discover and realized why I landed on a teaching career and not in health service. I gave myself ample time to really think why. And now I know, that incident I experienced in the pediatric ward is the only thing that keeps flashing in my mind. Even until now when I am typing this blog. I can still remember how beautiful the eyes and the lashes of that boy were. Now I realized that during that time, I felt I failed and to feel that kind of failure is one of the things I don’t want to experience again.
It was an extremely sorrowful moment and even until now the little boy’s image sometimes will flash on my memory. Sometimes he visits me in my dreams and gives me a nice smile. I bet he wants to say thank you to me for how I made him feel better after I gave him bed baths and fed him food and medicines he needed while he was struggling. I can hear him sometimes telling me, “ I am okay now and thank you”. I know it’s weird ‘cause even I think that it only happens in movies, yet here I am testifying some things in life that some might think is foolish.
I do believe that that incident catapult me into teaching. As a teacher, I consider myself as someone who lifts up student’s well-being in all aspects. I believe that my daily heartfelt encouragement and inspiration I consciously offer to my students will do them good. I feel that the hope I am giving to the children is more attainable and realistic, same as with every reprimand I give them. It is obvious that I find much joy in teaching children than watching some children suffer in the hospitals. As a teacher I feel significant and powerful in guiding children’s well-being. I feel that my hard work is not neglected if I get to see my previous students doing well and happy with their lives.
Only then I realized that I am weak. I couldn’t stand seeing people dying and suffering from certain illnesses, and worse, that I couldn’t do anything about it as a nurse.
I love what my “nurse-friends” do right now. I salute them for being strong. I am a big fan of their successful nursing career, and I want them to know that they are all a big part of me. Congratulations to all my BSN2A 2002, much respect to you all, and I want you all to know that the good times and bad times we had are always cherished.
Certainly, I am proud being a teacher. I am proud because I do what makes me happy and what makes me appreciate how beautiful life is.
Teaching in Cambodia is another kind of story. There is a big difference between well-off families and less fortunate ones here. That’s why recently I encountered another discovery in my life and I want to do something about it. I feel the need and want to be a part of providing opportunity to less fortunate children here in Cambodia. I was thinking about how and asking myself if it is going to succeed or not. But then again, I realized that we cannot value dreams according to the odds of their coming true. That the real value of our dreams is in stirring within us the will to aspire. Yes, that is by Sonia Sotomayor. I figured then, success shouldn’t be the main goal of our daily encounters. The important thing is that we will do it, and that’s how the PPBP (Phnom Penh Basketball Program) started flashing in my thoughts. Let’s continue to the next paragraph.
My love, Chris is such a wonderful part of my life. Not only that he completes our picture but because he supports everything I do as long as I keep silent everyday for atleast 10 minutes. What a deal, it isn’t easy. Chris is a professional basketball player back in Holland and in the US in his youth. Seeing his photos in action on a newspaper during his younger years is just amazing. Those photos depict happiness of what he was doing, and I would love to see and experience those moments with him. He has also been coaching, and basketball is the thing that keeps him going.
When I opened up to Chris my vision about providing children with what is good for them, I came up with an idea of using his hobby and skills to support my agenda. It didn’t take us long to finally decide, with a “YES! Let’s do it!” That’s how we operate, if we both see something good, we immediately make it happen. So right now, our PPBP, Phnom Penh Basketball Program will kick off soon.
Right now,
- we will provide basketball training to children who love to be trained in basketball
- we are aiming to influence children the important values found and discovered through the game
- we will make our training a lifetime wonderful experience for all participants, and make sure that they will consider this experience as a moment of their lives that’s worth remembering
We will not stop searching for ways to make this vision of ours available to any children who would love to be in this program.
Right now, we have to start our program with a reasonable fee, and we are looking forward to meeting and encountering organizations, agencies, or kind-hearted people who would support our goal.
Wow! Pretty much that’s my blog for today, to introduce the PPBP and to give you all a sneak peek of what you are going to see soon from now. This for me, is life.
If you think you can support us for this project, here is the link to the forms you can sign up:
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“What is life?”… DISCOVERY, self-DISCOVERY.
Happy Khmer New Year2020! ~~~Signing off, Teriz
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